Married and masturbation

[piercedboy18]

I guess I’m just looking for advice. I have been with my partner for a few years and we have been married over a year. We have a healthy sex life but sometimes I like my own company and I do love a tug at least once a day. I’ve always kept this to myself but he recently walked in and has made a bit of issue of this and doesn’t want me to masturbate anymore.
Although it’s bothered him, it’s turned me on a bit more and I am a little bit more risky of where I do it round the home. I have also found myself wanting to do it in public when I have felt the urge.
Do you think it’s normal to relieve yourself and have your own time if it doesn’t impact anyone else?

 

[Lavadude]

Of course, it’s normal to have urges. Some stress relief.
Same situation here

 

[LPSG Simon]

Im of the mind that every single person is entitled to a private inner life, no matter how close they might be to someone else.

This can be your views and philosophy on things, inner monologue and daily thoughts you have with yourself, your interests, etc.. and yes - your right to jerk off. It’s as normal as breathing or taking a shit. The only exception to the later might be if it a compulsive thing that’s coming at the expense of your sex life with your partner, then you might need to have a talk. But not masturbating? Unless you have a BDSM element to your relationship where this is a consensual game, it falls into the “try and stop me” end of things.

I love how you put it as “liking your own company” it’s important to have a relationship with yourself and this is part of it. I would just calmly and firmly tell them that this is something you’ve always done, and it’s something you’ll continue to do. Full stop.

 

[chrisrobin]

Different guys have different levels of sexual wants and needs. Its not unusual for one of a partnership wanting a lot more active sex than the other and seeking sexual relief through masturbation. I do think your partner was wrong is saying you shouldn't do it, do as I did, I was caught in the throes when I was discovered, my partner at the time just watched. Afterwards he said it was erotic, how was it for me. I did confess to saying that being watched made me harder than ever and my orgasm seemed more satisfying. After that I'd whisper I was going to wank and sometimes he'd "find me", wow, so stimulating for me.

 

[dana2]

I guess I’m just looking for advice. I have been with my partner for a few years and we have been married over a year. We have a healthy sex life but sometimes I like my own company and I do love a tug at least once a day. I’ve always kept this to myself but he recently walked in and has made a bit of issue of this and doesn’t want me to masturbate anymore.
Although it’s bothered him, it’s turned me on a bit more and I am a little bit more risky of where I do it round the home. I have also found myself wanting to do it in public when I have felt the urge.
Do you think it’s normal to relieve yourself and have your own time if it doesn’t impact anyone else?

There are two separate issues here: 1) your partner not wanting you to wank and 2) your budding voyeuristic tendencies. I will only address the first issue. Married people masturbate. Your husband needs to grow up and deal with it. The excellent sex columnist Dan Savage talks about the "Zone of erotic autonomy" . Here is a quote from one of his columns:

"Everyone is entitled to privacy, even married people. Likewise, everyone enjoys a zone of erotic autonomy, even married people. Experiences you fantasize about, when and how you masturbate, things you can safely do without violating your monogamous commitment and/or putting your partner at risk… not only shouldn’t someone try to take those things from you, it’s not in anyone’s power to take those things from you. We can’t police our partner’s fantasies. Ideally, our partners feel safe sharing their fantasies with us and involving us to the extent we can or wish to be involved. But we can’t prevent our partners from looking at whatever they want to look at, provided they’re considerate about when and where, and we certainly can’t stop our partners from thinking about whatever they want to think about, dick in hand or no dick in hand."

 

[skinny_indo]

I guess I’m just looking for advice. I have been with my partner for a few years and we have been married over a year. We have a healthy sex life but sometimes I like my own company and I do love a tug at least once a day. I’ve always kept this to myself but he recently walked in and has made a bit of issue of this and doesn’t want me to masturbate anymore.
Although it’s bothered him, it’s turned me on a bit more and I am a little bit more risky of where I do it round the home. I have also found myself wanting to do it in public when I have felt the urge.
Do you think it’s normal to relieve yourself and have your own time if it doesn’t impact anyone else?

For me, yeah its totally normal
If I've partner that love masturbate me, its totally aa blessing
And its kinda hot to do it in public

Like if your partner doesn't have the same interests, maybe he just not into it anymore

And while we still pleasing ourselves its better to do it alone, not bothering your partner

 

[Jlatinochub]

It's natural. I don't mind if my husband needs his time and vice versa.

 

[malakos]

You need to have a conversation with your mate. At the very least he needs to know a) that just because he wants you to stop masturbating it doesn't mean that you will, and b) that he doesn't have a right to demand this of you.

If he's open to it I would recommend taking that conversation further and inquiring why he wants you to stop. It could be motivated by some sort of insecurity, and discovering this would give you an opportunity to try to address the insecurity.

 

[FrankTO]

I guess my husband realized I didn't care about him masturbating when he gave me his tablet for a web search and I just casually closed the five or six porn tabs he had open without comment. We're men and men jerk off, it's totally normal. There'll be more cum soon enough!

 

[hungafro81]

This was the same for a straight couple I know, she equated it with cheating! Luckily I found out and told her it's completely unacceptable to expect a partner not to wank and it's not a reflection of the relationship. What is your husband reason he wants you to stop? Not that there really is a justified reason to ask that from you, but if you know why you'll have a better chance of showing him why it's not an ok request. Masturbation is a form of self care! People do it for multiple reasons such as it's fun, it feels good, reduces stress, endorphin hit, etc, etc. You say you have a healthy sex life, does he feel the same? Explain it's normal, healthy (regular orgasms are linked to lower risk of prostate cancer) and it's personal. Explain it doesn't mean you're unhappy or unsatisfied. It's definitely a him problem.