Yeah. Not really sure how to begin with this, but I’m gonna try.
I’m a 31 year old gay man, and over the years have become close friends with my straight neighbors who are several decades older than me and are married. They’re very good people and a ton of fun. They invite me to join them on their vacations at their lake house sometimes which is only like 30 minutes away. I like them and they’re just solid people, even if a little bit ignorant about some things. They know I’m gay and respect that, but just sometimes ask silly questions about gay men that can make you roll eyes. Regardless, they’re good people.
They have a son who I have suspected was gay or bi for the two years that I’ve known him. I don’t really interact with him much except for when he joins the conversations I’m having with his parents. He’s actually very masculine guy and is very kind and polite but I have caught him staring at my ass so many times it’s crazy - I don’t think he realizes it’s not very discreet. He’s also a good guy though and is in college, and just visiting over the summer break. His parents totally think he’s straight.
None of this is really an issue. I’m a personal trainer and actually used to be a stripper for a few years in my mid twenties, so I’m used to getting stares because of my muscles or because I have a huge ass that’s a little out of control (this family doesn’t know I used to be a stripper obviously). But last week I was over at this family’s lake house and realized I was missing some underwear. I didn’t think much of it and guessed I must have misplaced it. Honestly there have been a few times over the summer already where I thought I must have forgotten my underwear. But then this week I was at their lake house again, and I decided to go to my room after going for a swim so that I could get out of my swim trunks and into my underwear and shorts.
I walked into my room and immediately found their son going through my backpack which just had my clothes inside. It was just a half second, but he immediately froze and stopped looking in there when he realized I was in the room. He was stammering and nervous and immediately got red-faced and awkward, but was able to make some excuse that he thought I might have “batteries” and was looking for some. In my confusion, I kind of just said “uh.. no sorry man.. don’t have batteries”. And it was very awkward and he left. After he left my brain finally had a lightbulb moment and I connected the dots that he had probably stolen my underwear the previous week and several times before and might have been trying to steal my underwear again just now.
My question is this: I’m obviously not attracted to the guy (he’s way too young for me) nor do I want to make him feel too bad about this in a public way, especially because he’s not out to his family. I know he’s a horny 19 year old closeted guy just doing stupid shit. Because of my muscles and ass, im used to guys acting “strange” around me my entire life. That said, I don’t know whether I should just address this, or leave it alone.
Im inclined to just leave it alone, but I can already tell the guy is incredibly uncomfortable around me because I think he knows I know he has my underwear. I think he’s afraid I might out him to his family as being bi or gay.
What should I do? Never discuss it ever? If I do discuss it, is it better to just say, “hey don’t do that again, you shouldn’t steal, but it’s okay to be gay? If you’re closeted and gay, I understand how that can be and am here if you need to talk through that. I won’t tell your family about this” to calm his nerves? Or is the fact that he physically attracted to me to this level just gonna make this whole thing unbearably awkward? I’ve had my underwear stolen before in gym locker rooms by strangers, but this situation seems a bit more sensitive.
Im overthinking all of this. But if you were him what would you want the person in my situation to do? He is now unbearably awkward around me (which yeah he should suffer those consequences honestly), but I also know this is a little nuanced.
