I took my first load back in early 2020 as the Covid panic was really starting to get bananas.
I drove out in the country to see my best “sex friend” of 20 years (sex friend meaning my buddy who’s like a brother but even but more intimate when it comes to talking about sex and eventually to trying everything). We met because he saw me with my gf in grad school and got jealous, but we stayed in touch over two decades and allowed our flirting to bring us together. It was fun to dance on that razor’s edge but by 2020 we were dying to try fucking each other and were pretty open about it.
So I remember stopping by a supermarket to grab a couple of steaks; the store was completely panicked with the toilet paper aisle cleared out and long lines of angry, nervous people waiting to check out.
I bought my two steaks and drove farther out into the country, out to his cabin in the woods by a stream where the world looked normal and healthy again.
We did guy stuff all through the afternoon and evening, tend to the dogs, work on cabin projects etc. Late that evening we watched a movie in the cabin and during the movie he said, “Do you want to suck on it a little?” It was probably the most submissive moment of my life to that point, I felt compelled to be honest by admitting and acknowledging, “Yes I do!”
So I remember we sat on the couch and kept watching the movie, except I was sucking his big dick while we watched. Got him squirming pretty good, but he didn’t give it away that he was extremely horny (you’d have to know him to understand, he never shows ‘weakness’ when it comes to sex). When the movie was over he jumped up to grille the steaks, I was disappointed but it was about 10:30pm and we were very hungry.
Outside on the deck, we had steaks under the stars and talked about everything and nothing.
Through our conversation I began to see signs that he was still very much interested to take things further that night (men who live a straight life can be very moody about having gay sex, FYI), and I started to feel brave.
At some point he asked, “What are you thinking?”
I replied, “I’m thinking about trying to take it.”
“Awesome,” he said.
Back inside the cabin a few minutes later, our small talk was pleasant but our actions more deliberate as we moved to his big soft bed and he made sure the lights were dim and the dog was in her kennel. I don’t remember our moves that night to get hard and etc, but I do remember the penetration because that had always been a terrible stopping point for me… penetration seems to trigger an anal ring spasm that clamps down and takes several minutes to subside.
However by this night I had begun to understand my body well enough to know this and was able to explain it to him… “You can put the head in (his head is 2 inches long, we measured) but just stop and when the spasm hits, pull out and wait,” I told him. He’s brilliant in the bedroom and did exactly that while I laid on my belly and let the spasm tighten to the point of excruciating discomfort and then slowly, slowly subsided.
When I felt the all-clear, he began to do his thing… opened me up and gave me the fuck of my life, at least to this day, slowly at first for my comfort and then faster at a real pace for his enjoyment.
When he’d been going for several minutes, taking me up and down that wild scale of pleasure and pain, I realized my hands were above my head, holding onto the headboard to keep me in place for him, and that I was using my lower back muscles to keep my butt up and arched for his pleasure. That was truly a moment of submissive achievement for me.
I remember next, he panted, “I’m getting close,” to which I replied between gasps with each big thrust, “You… have… my… permission.”
I was pretty sure that would trigger him and it did, he came for several thrusts and while I can’t remember feeling the independent spasms of his penis, I remember the warmth-flooded feeling others have described and also a lessening of the friction. It basically relieved some of the pain I had been managing from his considerable size and my, er, virgin status. Then he collapsed onto my back, something i had been craving for years , I realized at that moment. He’s not a kisser but I guess that’s okay, haha.
I’m hoping one of these days we will get to do it slower and perhaps I can enjoy the magical throbbing of his dick when he cums, like others have described. We only meet once or twice a year and sex is never guaranteed so it’s a guessing game and a kind of mental torture, but I guess that’s sorta the deal when bisexual guys choose a more straight-side life. Mostly I’m grateful for the thrill and experience. I never felt more alive.
